Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Just let me get through tonight.

Today, is a very, very stressful day for me.

Somehow, I have to balance my kind of fussy baby girl... (I think she is working on more teeth with the way she is grabbing at her ear. The Dr. said it has no infection and when she does that it probably *is* referred tooth pain.) and work on getting this house as clean as possible for the complete strangers coming over tonight to "meet" (and possibly take) my St. Bernard... and not think too much about them maybe taking him... it only makes me cry.

I know that giving him up is best. Best for me, my family, and most importantly my baby girl. I just worry. The moment they drive away with him (if they take him) how will I feel? Will I feel relieved when we go through this house and really remove the hair from it for the first time since we moved it? Will I feel guilty for feeling relieved? Will I miss him more than I expect to? Will I miss him less? If I miss him less, will I feel guilty for that? And then - what if they call us in a week and say he really is too much to handle... and they are bringing him back... will I have to go through this roller coaster yet again?

I don't want him to think I have given up on him. I don't want him to look sad when I see him leave me. Will he be sad? How will I know?

I got him a new stuffed toy last night to bring with him... and I going to pack some of his raw hides that he gets every night before bed for them. I just want to know this is the right thing to do.

1:25 p.m.

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