I don't even know where to start in describing today. It has just been so... surreal to be completely honest.
I lost someone who I thought was a friend, and gained an immeasurable amount of perspective.
Plus, my landlord knocked on the door with an eviction notice this afternoon, after knocking on the door this morning threatening an eviction notice.
But back to what I was saying... some people value their life's worth in their material possessions. Your house is this big, my house is that big... ohhhh, you drive that truck, while I only drive this car... and that sort of nonsense. I have... excuse me, had a friend who always looked at things that way. Just because I own a nice truck, happen to rent a house that is bigger than the one she rents, happen to have reached a point in my life where I already own a home, I was "rubbing it in her face."
And it all came to a head today in the most explosive manner. That is truly just sad. And as I was trying to calmly talk to her, she was screaming at the top of her lungs on the other end of the phone to me - just hysterically screaming. I was just totally not in the mood for that (did I mention my landlord troubles?) and I began to politely proceed to hang up on her, explaining my bad headache, the kids issues.. and she began to scream louder... though more understandable saying "right, you never have time for me, always something more important to do, this that and the other, you fucking whore, bitch" and if she rambled off any more obscenities, I missed them because I hung up the phone... in shock. (By the way, my family is always "more important.")
Now... last I checked we are all adults here.... if you hate someone that much... why the hell pretend to be their friend? And I have had doubts about how true of a friend she was for a while... knowing I found a long time ago a diary SHE had written about me (after I showed her my diary) completely painting me to be some monster... because "everything I had was better than what she had" - eventually she deleted those entries and turned it into a diary she told me about. I didn't even mean to find the diary, for the record... it was a fluke I even did.
Anyway... now see, maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me, but I see when things began to go downhill. Maybe she kept me around because I always had the money to get her extra packs of diapers, extra cigarettes, extra money for her children's school books.... and maybe that was all there really was to it. (I remained her friend, hoping her view of me had changed, clearly I was wrong.) Because, once my life began to go downhill... I saw less and less of her. There was one night, the beginning of December where I tried to confide my problems in her, you know, the way you do real friends... and all she had to say was "welcome to my world." Like she had been waiting on it or something. I even wrote an entry about it... here, without specifying her directly, because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt anyone's feelings. I am just upset - and extremely ticked off.
I take friendship seriously... and to know, that all along I have been compared by her to the people she called "hoity toity stuck up gap bitches" (who she hates simply because they have more money that her) really just... I feel used. And now, I am more ready than ever to get the fuck out of this hell hole.
Anyway... enough on that - for now. Oh, and if you
are reading this - do me, and yourself a favor - delete the knowledge of my diary from your memory. Because I will lock my diary, my thoughts for no one. I had this diary long before I met you, and I will continue to write in it, unedited because of who may read it.
So... did I mention my land lord really is evicting us? The other day, the sweetest person in the world, virtually a total stranger, offered me space in case I needed to store things.. because she read my troubles here... those are the things I would expect a "friend" to do... but instead, you find the sweetest people in the most unexpected places.
So... things are moving much faster than I originally expected. I have been packing all day now - (my back and hip are, of course, killing me) and I will continue to pack, until the house is virtually ready. And then we have to find a place to go to... quicker than we expected. The next few weeks... are just going to be so ridiculously stressful.
Here is something a true friend found, for myself and my husband. It gave me the first good laugh I had all day... so of course, I had to share. (Turn down your volume if you are at work, and, if you are slow like me... click the nose.)
For the record, I do not judge my life's worth by what I own. I can be penniless with nothing but my amazing family, and my life, will be beyond anyone's value. They are priceless... and my everything.