Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Messenger... (Dream Log)

I have been having a number of dreams recently. And it is so odd... when I don't dream, I crave them. And most of my life I have spent without dreams. (I know, I know - I have heard it "you do dream, you just don't remember it.... etc. and so on - I assure you normally - I do not dream.) Anyway - then when I do enter a bought where I am dreaming.... I just want it to give me a break - so I can SLEEP. (Make sense?)

Anyway... I should have written this down right away in the notebook I keep by my bed FOR these moments (that notebook has ONE entry in it I think) but I could not do it right then... so, here I am - 4 or possibly more days later - I am going to try to recall this vivid experience here. Because I try to remember these things.

The dream was in color... everything with a sort of "sun setting" golden tone to it... an "Angel" came to me... or as I would prefer to call it (her) a messenger. She told me I was going to die. I saw her so clearly, I would recognize her face in a crowded room. She said it was imminent. (P.S. This is a very emotional thing for me to write about.) She told me the things to look for as it was about to happen, and told me to prepare. I tried to bargain. I tried to beg. I pleaded. I refused to accept what I was being told. I told my husband what I had been told - he got upset with me. Thinking I had lost my mind. I wanted to find her again, and plead some more. But incase it did not work.. I started to write a letter, to my children, and my husband... telling them how much I did NOT want to die. How much I wanted to be with them. How much I loved them so very much. My soul was aching, and I was just completely inconsolable. No matter how much I tried to write that letter... I could not get the words down onto the paper. And I saw her again....... there, in MY home. I told her what I was trying to do.... but I could not will myself to pick up the pen. "That's because it has already happened." She said. No - It couldn't have. I ran to find my family in the next room... and found them all starring at my lifeless body, draped across the ottoman. (A room that is NOT in my house, on an ottoman I do not have.) They were trying to wake me, thinking I was just unconscious. I wanted to will them to be right... I tried to stop my husband as he went for the phone to call 9-1-1. And for a moment I felt him... I tried with all my might to pull him down towards me - in my body. I tried to merge with my body... and I could not move. Nothing was working... but I would NOT give up or let go. And then, finally, I broke through it, and I was back in my body.

And, I woke up. Totally emotional.

See... maybe I am better off when I don't dream............................. (or have nightmare's - whatever you would call that.)

Posted Date: : Mar 12, 2007 9:52 PM

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