Wednesday, September 5, 2012


I really don't like it when everything feels out of my control. Everything.

I had it "all figured out..." - Yesterday we were going to go to the store and spend no more than $100 on everything we "had to have" to get us through until the 30th of the month. I had my husband pull out $200 from the bank (allowing whatever other checks are out to bounce - because... we have to eat and have gas money and if we left the money in the bank it would be sucked up in the blink of an eye...

We spent $163 at the store yesterday on "things we had to have." Well... $158 on things we had to have and $5 on a stuffed Pooh bear for my daughter because she was getting cranky, tired, and wanted a bottle and it helped calm her for a time. So - instead of being left with $100 to make it through to the 30th... we are left with $40. Actually... less than $40. That's just freaking great. Between then and now we will need $40 in gas... $8 in tolls to get my stepdaughter home today, possibly $10 in McDonald's if my mother in law decides not to cook today... plus any other "incidentals." Not to mention this morning my husband realized he has a prescription he HAS to refill... NOW. That's $20.

So now we will have to turn to my mother in law for money yet again and if she will even loan us any more money - I know she won't do it easily. She will stomp around the rest of the day with a bad attitude and make us wonder why we even stopped by there to begin with.

I just need someone to vent to. I can't vent to my husband - he clearly already knows our problems... and reminding him of them may just make him feel bad. I certainly have realized I can't talk to my mother in law about it because she just acts like it's a bigger problem for her than us and that SHE has more reason to be upset about it than me. (Uh - hello... *I* am the one living the problem... NOT YOU.. but I sure can't say *that* to her either...) So here I sit... with these issues bottled up inside me. My husband will say "it's going to get better"... I know that... We just have to GET to that point first. And "that point" is about 4 weeks away when he gets his first check from his new company.

1:58 p.m.

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