Wednesday, September 5, 2012

More rambling.

My daughter just tried DICED peaches (and pears and apples) for the first time. Her reaction was hilarious! I swear I could read it off her face: "this stuff isn't supposed to be LUMPY!"

She is so adorable. Yesterday at the store in an attempt to broaden the solid things she eats I grabbed a jar of Gerber Graduates diced apples/peaches/pears. So I sat her down for a little snack and at first she made her "YUCK" face... then in the next few bites she gave it a chance, but was still not thrilled... then - she gave me a big smile, closed her eyes, and turned her head away every time I brought the spoon to her mouth. She is just so cute.

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed about my approaching due date. The clock seems to be ticking for my last remaining weeks where it's JUST my daughter and I. I have been swaying fiercely between worrying so much that the new baby will take valuable time away from my baby girl... to knowing everything will work out just fine.

Sometimes I wonder if we had this second baby too soon - and I feel horrible saying that. I just have such a bond with my little angel, and I want to keep that. The moments where she snuggles up to me and only wants her mommy - how can I make sure I still get this time with her when the new baby comes. But then - I KNOW I will feel this same bond with the new baby, and I KNOW everything will work out fine.

I am worried I will be "on my own" when the new baby comes... like now. With my husband working crazy hours and never hearing from him during the day. It is taking it's toll on me. He never calls... rarely emails... and he does not even call when I KNOW he could - for instance yesterday he had to leave the office for something... he did not even bother to call me from the road. I am sure he called plenty of other people though. Today he was supposed to leave the office for something too - I have no idea if he did or not. I mean - flashing back to the past here (but sometimes I can't help it) how the hell do I even know he is really IN his office? He could be taking freaking half days and going to the beach for all I know. (Not really - but you get the point, right?)

I am very excited about the new baby - I know it will be a lot of work... and adjustments, but I expect all that. I just need to be able to relax for it.

3:36 p.m.

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