My Bailey

This morning started out just like most do... my daughter came into my bed for a nap, and I laid beside her and cherished every moment I had laying beside her - just watching her sleep. And then the little dog heard a noise... and started to bark. Startling my sleeping baby girl. Then Bailey, my St. Bernard chimed in. And no matter how much I hushed them and said be quiet... it's ok... whatever... they persisted... for at least a good 10 mins. And it was only the neighbor moving something in his back yard.

Now, these are normal things dogs do. They bark. But I am wound so tight these days I found myself just wishing the wait list to give Bailey to the rescue group was shorter... and even considering buying a "bark collar" for the other dog. (Those things I mostly find cruel, and don't think I would ever resort to one for my Cooper.) But I was at the end of my rope, so to speak.

Then I come into the computer room and sign on... as I always do briefly before feeding my baby girl her "solid" breakfast. Before AOL has even loaded an IM pops up from my husband with "check your mail..." Ok... now clearly I am TRYING to do this anyway... but that meant there was something in there he really wanted me to see. And before me I found 3 emails sent to me from him... all titled "These people want Bailey." The first was their phone number and name... the second told me a tiny bit about them, and the third was an appointment that he had made with them to come "meet" Bailey a week from this coming Sunday. So I im'ed him back all the regular questions, how did he find them (his Aunt's mechanic) are they good with large dogs... (they have had St. Bernard's all their lives and are trying to get one from a rescue group now) and all that. And even found out they could come tomorrow night to "meet" Bailey, but my husband had told them not to because he would not be home, because he has to go pick up his 10 year old.

So I told him to see if he could get her earlier in the day, and still schedule them to come tomorrow night. So he did... and then as he was going to call them to reschedule for tomorrow he asked me: "what if they want to take him tomorrow, can they...?"

I felt like I was hit by a 2x4. No... something harder... maybe a brick. Sometimes for me, reality is physically painful. This was one of those moments. I knew there was no way around it. I had to say yes. This is what I have made up my mind to do. This is what is best. I know this. There is NO way around it. So, as the tears welled up in my eyes I sent him a simple response of: "I suppose."

It is probably better this way. Quicker. Less time to cry over it. It's not like this is a bad thing. He will be happier. We will be happier. And no matter how much I love him, it does not change the way he has been making me nuts. Or the way I have had to confine my daughter and not let her crawl around the house the way she should be able to.

Now I just have to try to hold myself together until tomorrow night. I hope my husband can get home early enough tonight so we can run to the store... and at least get him a fresh new toy to take with him.

I just hope this is the right thing to do. I just hope I can hold myself together through it.

07.17.2003
1:54 p.m.