"Oh, My nose!!"

My nose hurts. Last night I was playing with my baby girl... and she zigged, and I zagged and BAM - we smacked right into one another. The HARD part of the back of her head, rammed right into my nose - onto that spot where the bone ends and cartilage begins. I saw stars... but could not stop to tend to me because she was now crying from hitting me. I just knew it was broken - I had never felt that sort of pain in my nose before.

That was at 8pm last night... now today - it still hurts... really, really bad - but it is not swollen, so I figure if it is not swollen, it can't be broken - right? It just really hurts. With this much pain, the damn thing better at least bruise to give me some sort of vindication for my whining.

I decided earlier today to call my little brother to see how a broken nose feels... because I am pretty sure he has had one or more in the past... and my mother answered the phone. I very simply said "Hi mother, is Matt home?" And she went and checked, came back and told me he would call me back later, he was still sleeping - and before I could even get another sentence to her out of my mouth... she hung up.

Now, since our "falling out" last November I have tried to call her a couple of times, in desperate attempts to "clear the air" because there once was a day when I enjoyed talking to her, and enjoyed being able to call her for whatever reason, at whatever time of day... but since last November, I have been unable to do that - each time I called she has been totally cold, and uninterested in speaking to me... but I will say, each time, she at least bothered to ask how my daughter was. So, I decided to call her back, and our conversation went like this: Her: Hello?

Me: So, you had me on the phone, and did not even bother to ask how's the baby doing, or how am I doing or anything?

Her: Well, I get it from Matt, and he says everyone is doing fine.

Me: So how long is this "grudge" of yours going to last?

Her: Grudge?

Me: Yes, I have called you several times in the past YEAR and you have been nothing but a cold bitch - so I'd like to know, how long is it going to last?

Her: It's not a grudge, several times you have shown me how you feel about me, I think it's time I got the message.

Me: No, it is a grudge, because of your unemployment - that you could have gotten without my help.

Silence............ So I hung up - because I was getting upset.

It just tears me apart. I WISH I could talk to her - and tell her everything new my daughter is doing, and how we are doing, and everything we have done to and are doing to the house... I miss that sometimes. But she refuses to "get over herself." She would rather alienate me and NOT know how I'm doing, or how her grand daughter is doing.

It just makes me really, really sad. And my freaking nose hurts too.



09.05.2003
12:39 p.m.