I went and wrote the entry before this one, what feels like so, so long ago. By the time I got home that day, the fact that I had just written it all, and gotten it "out" had me feeling better, so I did not go ahead and post it. I posted it today not because I am feeling those feelings again or anything, but just so I don't lose it.
Anyway... so much has happened recently, I do not even know where to start.
For so long now we have been going back and forth on whether we would sell our house, or simply completely fix it up this year. We have decided to sell it. There is just so much work it needs - we would rather sell it as a "handy-man special" and get out of it while we can, than throw all our money into it, to still not be completely satisfied. And there are things about this street that has bugged us since we moved in - we are so close to the High School the kids drive like maniacs, and our neighbors, since we moved back, just do not seem very fond of us. I really don't care WHAT they think honestly... but I would prefer someone to at least smile at me when we end up outside at the same time. The other day my dogs got out... through a hole in my fence in the backyard, into my neighbors yard. (This fence, just for the record is his responsibility, one he put up, it does not match anything else in the area except for his yard.) And his son came over and told us they were out... we got them back in. His son (who is 16 or so) was FINE when he came over. Well, that night, late, he (the father of the kid, our neighbor) has the audacity to come pound on my door, and before I could say anything, start telling ME off about how my dog "attacked" his son.
I was just blown away. He was telling me to go outside RIGHT THEN (10 pm at night) and fix the fence "correctly" (we had put something up to keep them in the yard for the day) - and how this better not happen again or there will be a problem - and he just tried to go on and on, "lecturing" me. I ended it by telling him we already HAVE a problem - because of HIS attitude. (Now, I am sorry, when I was 16, I was damn sure mature enough to tell my neighbor 'Hey, your dog just attacked me' on my own... not just say "your dog got out" - and leave the dirty work to someone else. - Does that mean I think he was lying... maybe. At least exaggerating. Neo is a big mush... he may have run up wanting to be PET and the kid just SAW his size... whatever...) Anyway... that just pissed me off.
Now today, the realtor finally got by here with the sign for the yard. I hope my neighbor does not think so much of himself to think that one conversation made this decision for us. Yes, it made it easier. But we had already BEEN looking at houses, and already had the realtor here to access the place. Of course with my luck, the sign goes up just AFTER the altercation. I am not too worried about it. They will be happier with us gone, and we will be happier. It is a win, win situation.
I have corrected my much too light hair problem too - I dyed it red again. I had it this color (well, much darker than this) years ago and loved it. So, I figure I will keep it this way for a bit. Not forever... but through the summer will be fun. I am still just as worried about money as I was in the last entry... but I am just trying very hard to not take it out on my husband. He is trying as hard as he can to stabilize us... I KNOW this. I do NOT want it to sound like I am angry at him. I am not - I know it does not always come out that way though.
In my super health kick effort I am still on and going strong with these days, I am getting back off the Paxil I had gotten on when my husband's Mother got sick in December. I knew I did not want to be on it forever when I got on it... and I feel it has served it's purpose. Of course, for the past few days, and I am sure well into this week it is going to make me impossible to live with. Getting off it is so hard... I have been so, so damn dizzy since Sunday. But... I am trying. I know I WILL do it... I have before. I just hate this dizziness.
That is the reason that, if this entry seems totally all over the place and a bit uncharacteristic of me... well, it is. I will be back to myself again soon. Hopefully within a few days. I just want my eyes to focus clearly again. It is amazing how much power one little pill has, the wacky amazing things it does to your body once it gets used to it.
Ok, I know there is a lot more I have been wanting to say... but for now, this will have to do! Think good thoughts for me - I want my body back... I want this dizziness to GO A-W-A-Y. I need my head clear again!
05.23.2006
3:36 p.m.
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