Rant

My day started out pretty good. I mean, how often do I get to sleep in these days, right? Then... I got a little irritated when I awoke to my brother's damn stereo, or TV or whatever, throbbing through the floor. I don't know what it is... but it is like in the past couple of weeks, he has decided that he just really does not care at all about being "courteous" - and he has no longer paid attention to keeping the volume at a reasonable level down there. It is really starting to get to me. I wish they, or at least he, would just freaking leave already.
Anyway... still things were pretty good after that.
Yesterday my husband found out that the company that was insisting all last week they would be calling him back in for a second interview, actually does not want to hire him at all. So... strike one.
Then he just *knew* he was supposed to be getting an actual offer from a company yesterday that he had seen last week... instead they wanted more information. Fine.. that's understandable. Today... they want even more information. I am beginning to get a very familiar, very strong sense of dread here.
Then, my husband comes into the house, quickly searching for my cell phone. Saying how "You have to answer it, and you name is 'so and so,' and your at 'this' former company....." - and I just freaked. I had to do this once before... in Illinois. And I was a nervous wreck. My hands were literally shaking (which they immediately started doing this morning too..) my voice was shaky, and when I did it before.. he says I did "great" - but guess what? He sure as hell didn't get the job. Or did he? I have lost track... of the many, MANY jobs he has had to apply for over the past few years.
And we have had to resort to such dishonest means why again? I just want to scream. This is insane.
Why now? Why again. We had so much starting to "go our way." If he does not have a job by the end of this week... we are just so totally fucked. Royally fucked. Because then there will be no way he will get a check the end of this month, which means we would be lucky for him to get a check on the 15th of November. And what all would have to then come out of that check you ask?
Two
mortgage payments (that amount is impossible to pull from one check on it's own...) two car payments, our full set of monthly bills, my baby boy's birthday stuff... and Thanksgiving stuff too. Oh... AND something like a $1000 towards clearing up my husband's license (mine has the same amount owed on it, but we will take it one at a time) to pay off the damn state because we have had no insurance, and then we have to GET insurance, and THEN we have to get our registration renewed on our truck, because it expires on the 31st. (Of October.)This is all just fucking impossible.
So... I decided to get myself out of the house. Maybe it would help me clear my head. You know... go spend money we don't have, on groceries we have to have. Instead... it just make me feel more shitty. My trusty Wal-Mart, already has Christmas stuff up. Everywhere. I could not even get the kids their plastic pumpkins to collect candy in, because that display had been replaced by Christmas garland. (Hopefully the grocery store will still have them, they will probably just cost a precious extra dollar or two.)
But that just made me even more unhappy. Our Christmas this year was going to be so awesome. My husband was going to get a huge bonus... we were going to be able to do everything we wanted... and then some. If things had not gone to shit... I probably would have gotten a few Christmas things today, and put them away... because the good things will not be there this time next month. But I couldn't. Because we have $250 in our account... that has to last us indefinitely. Isn't that just fucking wonderful.
So... I just can't deal with talking to that woman and pretending I am someone I am not. My luck one of the munchkins will yell so loud she will hear it... or I will stumble over my words too damn much.
They are asking so many new questions... in the past when companies have done that... they have been looking for a reason to NOT hire him anyway.
And I should think positively... you know... good energy and all that shit. But right now, I just want to cry.

10.18.2005
3:16 p.m.