Routine

This has been one nutty, and extremely emotional week for me. I need to get some sort of routine down that will make everyone happy. And by "everyone" I mean my 14 month old daughter. My 8 day old son seems to be happy no matter what... as long as he has a comfy place to sleep that is... and I will be happy if both my children are happy... so now I have to get my happy - go - lucky cheerful all the time baby girl back.

Yesterday was a very, very ruff day. It was the first day my husband went back to work after the baby was born... it was my first day to figure out how life will be now. My sweet baby girl cried nearly all day. I am thinking a lot of it has to do still with the way her normal routine was totally screwed up last week, from staying at my mother-in-law's for nearly 3 days to everything being "different" for her with the new baby here and all. I am pretty sure her unpleasant mood had very little, if anything at all to do with the baby himself, because overall his being here did not infringe on things she would normally do anyway. So I am hoping by the end of the week she gets "relaxed" again and knows that I won't "disappear" for 2 days again. If she does not relax though, I will certainly be a mess by the end of the week. Though, so far today already seems better.

*I* have had so much "guilt" this past week. I have not had the time to spend with my daughter that she is used to, and that I need and want to give her... AND I have not been able to hold and cuddle my baby boy nearly as much as I want. I feel like there needs to be two of me so no one loses out. I know my little girl misses time with me, and I miss time with her, and I am feeling guilty not giving my son the time I feel he should get.

Right now we are having a good moment, my little girl is running around the room playing with her toys, and the baby is sound asleep in his bouncy chair. So, I should be happy, right? I am... almost. But he is all the way across the room, past the barricade we have set up for my daughter to not get into the kitchen (where she could get to the dog food) and I want him closer. I got a play pen with a bassinet inset and all that "fun" stuff... but the problem is my daughter throws stuff into it, so I got a cover, but only part of the cover is netting so it's very dark. I don't know... I have to figure that out somehow.

AND today is my husband's birthday... and I don't even have a card for him. I hope he will understand.

I just need to relax, and really unwind for a while. But I have NO idea how to do that.

12.02.2003
12:22 p.m.