Saturday, September 8, 2012

Second entry! Wow!

My first entry was a private one, if you don't have the password, feel free to email me.

I have been exercising as much as my body will physically take. This weekend... it decided it has had enough. And it seems there is nothing I can do about it.
Thursday I had a good work out, but not as good as I have been recently, because my hip was really hurting. I figured it was no big deal, I would just ignore it and within a day it would be gone. Then Friday it still hurt, and will all the errands I ran Friday, it was hard for me to not cry about it Friday night it hurt so bad. My husband was understanding.....
Then last night, I got, a guilt trip over sex. A fucking guilt trip. I absolutely despise getting guilt trips... and now my husband was giving me one... over SEX?? When I am in so much damn pain it hurts to FUCKING SIT UP??
"Well, we have just been so close recently it would just be perfect..." (Yes, I know... but I can't help the fact that the intense PAIN I am feeling sort of knocks me out of the mood...)
"Are you not attracted to me anymore?" (Here is where I wanted to start screaming...)
And, it just felt like he went on and on. I mean, what did he want me to do, PRETEND everything was ok and I was having a good time and go cry from the pain alone in the bathroom?? For Christs sake I enjoy my husband, I enjoy being "with" him, but at least have some damn understanding when it comes to me being in PAIN.
He even said I *used* to work through it anyway... well... my body has clearly changed a bit over the years and working THROUGH it does not currently exist.
And he and I have been doing really good recently... (notice the lack of entries?) And I am really enjoying the closeness we are feeling. Just sometimes he is so damn selfish... I am just confused. Does he think I am lying about the pain I am in?
Geeze. Other than that... we have been doing really good recently. And I just totally lost my train of thought. If I find it, I'll post more later.

2:20 p.m.

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