My sex life is very stressful these days. And, I think that's an understatement. HIS libido is off the charts, as high as it's ever been, you get the picture, right? Mine - is, let's just say not. Non-existent. Lower than low. Beneath the chart. Unfindable. Ran far, far away and has not told me when it is coming back.
So, this is a major source of stress for me in the bedroom. Just because I don't want "sex" does not mean I don't want to be close to him. But it's like if I turn over and just lay with my head on his chest, he instantly expects it is going to snowball into sex. I can't stand the pressure. And I don't think he is putting pressure on me, I think I am putting pressure on myself because I know what he wants, AND also I have to admit to myself that somewhere in the back of my mind I am also terrified of what happened during my last pregnancy - in which the same thing happened to my sex drive, and he just ended up fucking a whore he worked with. So, I'm stressed.
I can talk to him about it no problem, but I know he will say it's ok, and I know it's not. Sex is a big thing for him... when I'm NOT pregnant it's a big thing for me too. But these days I am just tired, crampy, uncomfortable, full of nausea, and heartburn, and oh, did I mention TIRED... really, really, just any time of day want to put my head down and FALL SOUND ASLEEP tired. It makes me crazy.
So, I'm concerned. I just want to keep peace and harmony in at least THAT part of my happy little home... but these days I am just not up for it. I'm just too tired... and it is stressing me out.
05.02.2003
1:08 p.m.
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