I did a dumb thing this morning... I took the pregnancy test I bought. It is one that can detect (50% of the time) pregnancy up to 4 days before your even "late." Well... today is 5 days before I am due... and I caved in and took it. With my other 2 the tests have all come up with a faint line very early... either 4 or 5 days before I was due.
Nothing. No second line. So now I am feeling really discouraged and like I got myself all ready for this emotionally for nothing. And I am just really, really down. But I know I may have just tested to early too. I guess only time will tell.
If I am not... I feel so tempted to just tell my husband let's stop "worrying about it" and take a "if it happens... it happens attitude." Then I won't be able to obsess... but I don't know what he would say to that.
I just see how well my two play together... and already IF I am pregnant now there would be nearly a 2 year difference... which is a big gap when they are so little.... and I just want them all close.
I am just trying to not feel discouraged. And I am trying to not think I am nuts. And I am trying to rationalize with myself if I am not pregnant... do I want this enough to just go for it.
I think I do....
Is that insane?
01.13.2005
10:16 a.m.
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