The past two mornings my husband has apparently had a renewed sense of amazement at how much I love our baby girl. He is not alone. I am constantly amazed by how much I adore her. Yesterday I believe he said something like: "She has made you feel complete hasn't she..." and today he was commenting again with something along those lines. And he is right. I never knew I could love someone this much. I never knew I could physically hurt, just from knowing someone else hurts. But I can... and I do. My sweet angel, she is getting a top tooth (finally!!) and it has grown in to the point we can see a white bump on her sore, inflamed little pink gums. Sometimes she is my sweet happy angel like always, and others I can tell it's really bothering her. And I don't care how much it would hurt me to take on her pain, I just want to take the pain away.
Her smile amazes me more and more every day. And watching her learn and discover new things, it's awesome. I still have her bassinet in my bedroom... not for her to sleep in... (not that she ever slept in it anyway) but I use it to change her diaper (she has a changing table in her room but so far this way has just been more convenient) and in the past few days she has realized that the light on my night table... that is now within her reach when she sits up while I change her... is a "touch lamp" - with 3 level settings. She just thinks that is so cool. She bumps it on higher, then off... then on... and smiles at me so sweet with this huge look of accomplishment on her face. I just melt.
I love the way she squeals when I tickle her neck... or her belly... or her back right where her diaper ends. I love to run my finger along the bottom of her foot... and watch her pull away with immense curiosity and a "what did THAT" look on her face.
My husband asked me this morning: "How many hours straight have you just stared at her?" My answer was I have no idea. In the beginning, I watched her all night long a few times, just to see her chest inhale, and exhale. Somehow the next morning I would feel almost like I had slept, though I knew I hadn't... just knowing she was ok relaxed me enough. Now I love to watch her still... whether she is awake, or asleep, it doesn't matter. She does the most adorable things... and everything is so much fun for her. She will grab her binky and put it in her mouth backwards and look at me until she catches my eyes... and I'll realize what she is doing, and of course crack up because she knows she is being a little clown... and she will laugh right back at me.
My entire world revolves around her, and my family, and I would not have it any other way - Ever.
06.26.2003
1:23 p.m.
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