Tuesday, September 4, 2012

This is a test.

This is a test... a test in my will, nerves, and ability to trust him in our relationship - post his proven ability to be so damned untrustworthy.

He has a meeting this evening.... Yes, evening. That is a hard thing for me to swallow, but with the change in position he recently asked for and I accepted with open arms, it "goes with the territory." So, now begins my first trial at trusting him when he says he is somewhere. 8 months ago, he would have been totally full of shit. But now I have to be the better person, and say "he says he is true to me, lets see him be." It is just so hard. How can I stop my mind from racing with all the "what - ifs"... because there are A LOT of what ifs. And WHAT IF his constant lack of ability to not call when he says he is going to call shines through once more? Do I freak out... alienate him and destroy the leftover "feel good emotions" from this weekend and create a tense environment? Do I let it go? *Sigh*

Maybe it won't come to that? Maybe he will call at 7pm amazingly already on his way home and say his meeting went great that he has this package to show me that he got, and that this is going to be great for business.

The maybes and what ifs will make me nuts if I let them. ~Time to take a deep breath and assure myself it's all going to be ok.~ (We had a great weekend together, and he is being sincere these days...)

5:00 p.m.

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