I wish there was a button I could hit... somewhere, that would just take all my thoughts and download them neatly onto the page... all nice and neat and organized. No button like that exists... and even if it did, I doubt I would be confident enough to use it for fear of getting my brain fried or something equally disturbing.
But I am getting way off track here. Yesterday the Houston company called, wanting my husband to come there for an interview. Last week I would have been ecstatic. Not at moving, or even at the possibility of going to Houston... but as having some sort of anything on the horizon. Last week I was willing to accept that at least going to Houston we would have the money to visit NY more often, and would at least not be moving somewhere we knew no one. That was all last week.
This week has brought with it much emotional turmoil, and a complete shift, and much needed reminder, or our real priorities. It has all been good... but it has also gotten me quite down. I feel like we are trapped.
He is set to fly out next Wednesday night, for numerous all day interviews next Thursday, and then to fly home Thursday evening. Last week, I would have been thrilled with this. (Once more, not because it is Houston, as I said before I have been avoiding Houston like the plague, but because it is something) This week... I am just completely lost. I want what is best for my family. I just don't know how to get there from here. Nothing here in Illinois has worked out the way it was supposed to...
I just don't know. I don't even know the point I am trying to make here. No one can tell me "yes do that" because only myself and husband can decide that... but knowing that does not make me any less confused.
But that is just it. I am not confused in so many ways. I know what I want... I want my husband to find a great job in the NY area so we can get the hell back where my step daughter is, and where his family is that needs us. That is what I want. But, since no one is anywhere near knocking down our door from that area of the country... we would be absolutely foolish to not take this job, if in fact after his interview marathon next Thursday it is offered to him. Right?
I know NY is best for my family right now... but if we can't have that because there are NO offers from there... what is second best? A high paying job further away in Houston? Or remaining in limbo. The question answers itself. Doesn't it?