I have such an unbelievable amount to do. Yet here I sit.. on the floor in front of the computer. I just get to the point where I feel like I simply can not physically do anymore, and I have to stop. It never used to be like this... and I know I certainly can't say I am "getting old" - I just need to get my body healthy again. The amount I am hurting is just insane. And I have so much to do.
I still feel completely tense. It is like it took so much build up of anxiety and everything getting here.. I just can't get it out of my system yet. The kids are still running around the house way too freely which is also keeping me tense. They are so good... I just HAVE to close some things off from them. I used to have a big baby gate running across the entrance to the kitchen - I ordered another one today... because that is just one place they can't run too... even if I lock all the cabinets, there is still too much their nosey little hands can find. Of course I had to order the gate, because the one big enough in the store was an insane amount of money. Anyway...
I also have to put together a new computer desk tonight. (Note my sitting on the floor comment earlier.) The infamous computer desk was the one casualty of the move. (Hopefully it is the only casualty, I still have so many boxes to unpack.) And honestly, I had regretted getting that desk since the moment it was put together... so it is probably a blessing in disguise. The one we got yesterday that I will put together tonight, looks a lot like our old one did... but even has a nifty filing cabinet. (I really can't wait to get the computer off the floor.)
I just feel like the house is in such shambles... but really it is coming together quite well. I just need a few more gates up to contain the munchkins... and my mind will be much more at ease.
Now if my husband and I can stop taking our stress levels out on each other - everything will be just peachy. (That is really driving me crazy... and we are both at fault... and it just keeps happening.)
I just don't like feeling like my body is ready to give out. I can't just go get pain medication because we have no money for a doctor visit without insurance. (My husband has one today for his medication, but that is all the more reason we can't afford me to go too.) I just am really so happy to be here... but I feel like I have not had a chance to accept it yet, or relax about it yet, or enjoy it yet because I am either hurting so much I am in tears, or I am trying to unpack and ignoring the pain that is so bad I could cry... or I am trying to catch up on sleep... through the pain. (Notice the pain theme?) And I have been so darn tired I have not even been getting words out of my mouth straight.
Ok, enough of my complaints. I have to go try to get something more done. Stay tuned for pictures of the trip here. I hope to get them up tonight... (and yes, I did enjoy all the scenery in Pennsylvania, it is gorgeous!) And thank you everyone for all your sweet comments. It does feel so good to be home. (I just really can't wait until I relax enough to take a moment and let it sink in and enjoy it!!)
06.03.2005
2:33 p.m.
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