Saturday, September 8, 2012

Waves of relief

We really had such an amazing night tonight.
First off though, I want to address a concern Des had about my last entry. I understand what she meant and all in her comment. And I see how it could be portrayed as if I am simply blaming all my problems on something as simple as our geographical location. But let me assure you, I am not that naive. See... we came here with the hope that this would be some "new" start. Away from so many negative things that had happened while we were in NY. And at the time my husband was having such issues finding a good job there, that the change seemed like a wonderful opportunity. But we were wrong. We thought things were going great here, even after the first job that was supposed to be so good turned out all wrong. And we thought things were going good that hey... we had friends here and everything. And it turned out... it all was simply a lie. And now I just have such a hatred for this place. I can't escape it. It is just all around me. And I know all of our problems will not magically correct themselves once we get back to NY, but there will be a few vital important changes. We will be near family. We will be near true, sincere friends. (Who have already offered us a place to stay while we deal with our tenants if need be.) It is not some "correct everything that is wrong overnight" tonic - but it is so much better than the alternative of staying here. I just can't handle this place anymore. I absolutely attribute a big portion of my current state of mind to being here... and some of the things that have happened over the past few months. And I am so ready to just move on.
Anyway... we had a wonderful evening tonight. Thankfully my baby girl did take her nap... so after I ran some much needed errands, we all loaded into the car and went to Applebee's. (Figured it would be loud and noisy enough that if the kids did misbehave, it would not be terribly noticed.) BUT - they were wonderful. My little guy was social, and not shy. They loved their balloons... and they smiled and giggled the entire time! I realized how much I miss the days when we had the ability to just go to dinner like that. Seeing the smiles on their faces made me so happy. They were just perfect angels.
Tomorrow I will get to packing this house... after we take another trek out of the house. (I think everyone has gotten cabin fever recently, we need to get out more!) I am just so relieved. My body is totally sore, and I really have no idea why, other than the small amount of boxes I moved today... I hope that is not a sign of the week to come... but I guess I will just have to deal with it if it is. (Wow does my back HURT.)
I just feel so... calm. But excited. After my totally unusual emotional reaction earlier today... (which I still feel like I could cry at any moment over) and then feeling so happy with the kids tonight... I don't even know how to fully describe how I feel. Maybe there is some part of me that has been lying dormant recently that is trying to wake back up.

11:20 p.m.

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