This has been one hell of a week... actually almost 2 weeks. My husband was told he had that job... then he was told he didn't. Then last Monday once more he was told he had the job... then when he got no official offer letter and got no one on the phone for a few days - he finally got someone and was told they were still thinking about it. Clearly, they had no intention of hiring him. Friday he flew to Kansas City just for the day for an interview. The job would be here on Long Island. He SAYS he "basically was hired there" and "they loved him" and "it's in the bag..." Call my attitude negative... but please sing me a different tune already? I have heard these same lines like 4 times now since he lost his job January 27th. I can't take the stress anymore, it has been making me physically sick to my stomach.
Thursday we got a dreaded call from my husband's mother. His father has cancer. Not like the skin cancer he just had removed, he has a malignant tumor. We have no idea where this is heading... hopefully it won't be much at all... they put him in the hospital today to do a cat scan and get a better biopsy and all that, so hopefully we will know something soon. And the stress increases... and I begin to feel more queasy.
I mean, after all... I have to be queasy from stress. It's not like there is anything else it could be... Saturday my throat got sore... and my head began to feel stuffy, obviously I have a cold... but the queasiness still didn't fit. So, knowing my body, though I won't be "late" until Saturday, I got a test. And there it is. Exactly what I have been fearing for nearly 2 weeks now. A very faint second line on the test. I'm pregnant.
Life just isn't going to make it simple on us, is it? I mean, my husband and I have only had sex like twice in the past month. He assures me he had no accidents... and yet... there is that faint second line on the test. I am going to retest tomorrow... and again later in the week, because I have enough tests, and the line is very faint... but I know how it works, I have two little babies, I feel like a professional already. The line is faint because technically I tested too early. It will get darker as the week goes on.
None of this has sunk in yet. I have too many emotions running through my head right now. But I have to play the hand I am dealt.
Sorry for the lack in updates, but I have been concerned about this all week, and didn't tell my husband until this past weekend, so it was in the forefront of my mind, but I didn't want to write about it and have my husband find out from my journal, rather than from me.
I also wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has added me to their favorites, or made a comment for me since I began running banners. I did not expect anywhere near some of the amazingly sweet things that have been said about me. Thank you so much.
05.03.2004
2:00 p.m.
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