What would you say?

He says he wants to quit his band. I don't know what I am "supposed" to say to that. I don't know if it has some double meaning. Does he want me to say "no, it's ok, you CAN play all hours in your band, AND work all those hours, AND find time for your family.." or does he want me to say what I feel and say that I think it is a good idea for him to leave it for now?

Here is the problem, we have been through this before. In October of last year, he was "quitting his band, going to devote his energy to rebuilding his family, etc etc"... within a week he was talking about how much he "missed" his music... and he had not even "missed" a rehearsal or show yet!!!! Not to mention, through December, he was NOT devoted to his family. (I have not gotten into this here before... he did not cheat again, but close enough.) Now things are different... right? Or so I am trying my hardest to believe. So, what do I do? Tell him I think it is a good idea, we really don't need him scatterbrained between all that and he should be focusing on work right now. (Oh, uh, and he should be focusing on me too, being pregnant - let's NOT revisit what he did to me during my last pregnancy.) So he does have a lot to make up for. But then I don't want to "hold that over his head" either... I want everything he does for me to come naturally. I WANT him to want to spend time with me because he wants to, not because he feels obligated because of how horribly he treated me during my last pregnancy.

Oh boy, I'm rambling again. So... to speak my mind, or shut my trap. These are the problems I am facing these days. I really sincerely feel he should bow out of the band for now. (Not stop playing completely of course.) But the "band" is so time consuming. Plus it makes my stress level soar with him out all hours of the night... he is a husband and a father... with another on the way, he should be home taking care of his family at 3am on a Friday or Saturday night, right? At least that's how I feel anyway.

Well, on that note - I am looking forward to this weekend. My stepdaughter will be here tonight and tomorrow... and then we have Sunday to relax... which I am sure will be anything but. There is so much we need to do to this house, but just have not had the time, or especially the money to do. Maybe this weekend we can finally get SOMETHING accomplished. I hope.

03.28.2003
2:55 p.m.