I have so much I should be doing right now. Well... actually in a few moments when my little guy finally gives into sleep. I should bring my daughter upstairs with me and finish the laundry. I should bring her upstairs with me and hang the picture in her room I've been needing to hang for 3 months now, or put the little stuffed butterflies on her wall already - after all, her birthday is Friday. I should bring her upstairs with me and organize my bedroom... but that requires lots of going up and down the stairs, because I could organize the computer desk that is downstairs at the same time.
Noticing a trend yet? The stairs. The damn stairs. I have lots I can do, and lots of motivation to do it. I also have lots of pain. You see, yesterday I started a new "thing" and "thing" that I AM going to make a trend. I told my husband that at least 3 nights a week I need him to watch the kids, since I simply can't get it done during the morning when I like to, and I am going to exercise. Then just have a light dinner because I can't eat heavy after working out like that. And I told him he will have to be understanding if I hurt. He said ok. But now I have to realize that I have to be understanding if I hurt. The thing is, it's not my hip... sure it hurts some... but my knee hurts. And the thought of going up and down the stairs just seems like torture. I want control of my body again.
I have a goal of how much to lose and I think I can do it, I just have to not get discouraged by pain, and by assholes in my guestbook* - but that's beside the point. I got sprite instead of coke yesterday, I know I can do this. And now I have managed to completely get off track...
My point WAS, I have such high hopes for today - I have energy and things I want and need to do, Things I have needed to in some cases for months now... but I hurt so freakin badly I just want to cry. Hopefully my body will adjust and I can work through the pain... hopefully there IS an end to the pain and this isn't some new twisted "norm" for my body.
*And whoever left that "men don't cheat on fat chicks" nonsense in my guestbook, your obviously a pathetic excuse for a person and whatever the fuck you have against me you should just get the fuck over and move the fuck on with your life. Does it make you feel good to post nonsense like that? Clearly your to chicken shit to leave an email address or link to yourself... so, why even fucking bother? If you hate me that damn much, stop fucking reading.