I am just in a really shitty mood today. Actually this afternoon. The day started out ok enough... then again at that point in the day I was holding onto the hope that our NY tenants would not once again prove themselves to be complete deadbeat fuck ups that will NEVER, EVER apparently get us our rent when we expect it.
And our landlord is breathing down our throats for his rent from us... which we can't give him. We are counting on my husband's Aunt for that, and (probably because of all the help she has been giving us) she is having financial problems this month, and can't pay it until sometime next week. Isn't that just poetic? Here I am bitching about my pathetic tenants... and here I am unable to pay my own rent. And the rent from my tenants I don't even have allotted to my rent... that's for the truck payment, the cable payment, the internet payment, the light bill, the gas bill, the groceries and the never ending expenses we seem to have. The one thing I have managed to preserve in all this is the visit from my step-daughter in a couple of weeks. That I was only able to hold onto by a miracle alone. A friend of ours, who we lent money to last year, discovered that they are getting a large enough tax return that they are able to pay us back. Therefore I assured my husband's ex-wife that she will be getting a good chunk of money (in other words shut the hell up and please don't cause us any trouble right now because we really don't need it) money, but hey - it worked, I think.
And, have I mentioned, this keyboard, which "hotkey buttons" I ADORE I have decided overall.. I HATE. I never hit the damn space bar hard enough and it is REALLY, really, REALLY starting to TICK ME OFF!
So, anyway... where was I? Oh yes... I hate money. I hate the ways people get so greedy with it... I hate the way without it you can't make a damn move in life. Even I am guilty of this. I refuse to tell anyone about our friends paying us back this week. Because then they will assume we are "ok" for a bit longer and be less likely to help us. Meanwhile, the amount left over after we send that chunk to his ex-wife, won't pay the rent, or the mortgage, or even come CLOSE to paying them, the two things I have absolutely no way to pay. Maybe it is horrible of me... maybe my husband is right and I should use it towards a "portion" of the rent or something, but I don't plan on it. Instead I am going to go buy something that will alleviate SO darn much stress in my life right now it will be a tremendous help (push come to shove, I can always take it back). And... I will probably use it to put an ad in the paper for my cat, yet another source of stress. This is where I insert, if you are in the Chicago area (200 + mile radius, I will travel to find her a good home) and you have room in your heart for a deaf, white sweet cat, please email me. She needs to be in a home with no other cats, and no small children because she runs from them. Ok... < / desperate cry for help >
Anyway... I just feel like a mess right now. I have one source and one source alone of peace in my life. My amazing family. The other day, my husband took this wonderful picture of my baby girl, and around the same time, I got this wonderful picture of my little guy. It shows his dimples SO well!
I think I am done here for now... I just hope everything works out ok. I am NOT in the mood for my landlord knocking on my door later on this week.
02.07.2005
4:42 p.m.
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